different

I have heard and used the word a lot lately and yet I am not convinced that it has a universally understood meaning. The word is "different". Webster's dictionary defines it as "not the same as another or each other; distinct." Maybe you have heard the phrase, "a good different or a bad different"?

Recently a close friend said to me, "your car smells different"- instead of asking whether she meant good or bad, I assumed the latter. I took it as more of an insult than a compliment. The same has been true in many conversations I have had with both friends and family about how this Christmas is going to be "different" and most people seemed to have the same understanding of the word as I did. I have let my redefining of the word determine the way I understand conversations and situations, and this has become especially true in this holiday season. Maybe you have done the same, consider this with me.

Does the above definition of "different" say anything or insinuate anything negative? Did my friend tell me my car smelled bad, or just different? Does the fact that this year's Christmas plans are a little different than years past mean that it will not be as good? I am guilty of answering yes without reason to all of those questions and more. I have redefined "different" from "not the same as another" to "not as good as another," and it is an incorrect definition.

In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophecy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly. (Romans 12:6-8)

To sum it up- if you can prophesy, you are better than someone who teaches. If you are a giver, you have overcome the gift of the encourager. Most of all, if you are kind, you have received a superior gift over all others... not true. Changing the words in this verse is comparable with changing the definition of a word that is used regularly, giving it a negative connotation instead of a neutral or positive one. 

Can we consider "different" as positive? What if my car smelled better that day than normal and that is why it was different? Maybe Christmas with new traditions and trying new things can be better than the traditions that have happened for the last decade(s)? What if we default to the "good different" instead of the bad?

Just as God has given each of us different and equally important gifts, a change in plans or circumstance may be the catalyst for something good. When we say, "this Christmas will be different," it actually could be better and not worse. As we go through this holiday and the ones to come, let's try to default to the "good different" and go back to the original definition instead of the one that we may have altered on our own, even if it happened without realization. It is hard, but what can we lose?

Whether this Christmas be full of old traditions or new experiences for you, let us strive to make it different in a good way. Whether people are absent or new people are present, no matter whose house or what city, whether it's on Christmas day or not- no matter the circumstance- this one can be a good one. Different can be subjective, let's choose the "good different"- this Christmas day, and every day after. 

trudging through mud

"But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7

One day at a time. Praying, waiting, listening- yet, no breakthrough, no clarity, no answers. Earlier this month, the Lord gave me a name for the season I am in. Season of mud. An image of myself standing ankle deep in a lake of mud sinking as I stood still came to my mind. I trudged through the mud, one step at a time, slowly and almost painfully, as I looked at what seemed like an eternity of mud around me. But when I looked up, I could see the dry land ahead. Not only was the dry land in the future, but there was someone standing there listening to my cries, hearing my pleas for help, begging me to keep moving forward. If I stood still I would sink, but with each step I grew closer to the land. As He stands on the shore of the mud, with water and towel to wash me off, "I will look to the Lord." As I pray prayers that seem unanswered and deal with problems in every area imaginable, "I will wait for the God of my salvation." As I trust that each step leads me closer to answers, and I continue to press in to the Lord, "My God will hear me." 

August has been a month that I will never forget. I feel as if every area of my life has been put under attack at once. I have been faced with conflict in my family, confusion in my day-to-day life, changing situations with friends and preparation for those, emotionally and practically, financial goals interrupted by unexpected expenses, and the list goes on. If you asked me how I was in the past month, I probably could not muster up a general "good" response and you might have gotten more than you asked for, I apologize for that. The only answer I could honestly give is "one day at a time." I feel like every day of the past month has been an episode of a TV show portraying my life- the people who know the whole story have favorite characters and scenes, and are each hoping for a particular outcome, and we are finding out together how it will all unfold day by day. The Lord gave me the image of mud the day before my church entered into a season of 21 days of prayer. Each day I trudged one more step through the mud, and powerful things happened, but I am still in the mud on day 23. I have not made it to the dry land yet, but the promise of the dry land ahead is still true. As I keep pressing forward in prayer, persistence, humility, and faith, I am confident that the dry land is ahead and my God is there with a towel and water ready to wash off the mud and let me walk lightly again. The waiting is so difficult, but the reward will be worth it. 

If you are walking through the mud right now, I am in it with you. If you feel like everyday you wake up just wondering what text, call, or email it will be today, there seems to be a target on your back that is larger than ever, and you cannot catch a break- relief is coming. Do not look down at the mud covering your feet, look up at the dry land and the friend waiting there for you named Jesus. I am trusting with you that when we reach the end of the mud, we will be able to say with confidence the following truth.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Psalms 40:1-2

I have no idea how many more steps it will take me to get out of the mud, but I do know that I have not been forgotten. I have friends who have stepped into the mud and are walking with me, keeping me from choosing to stand still. My God hears my cries and even though the answers are still blurry, he is working for me. As I persistently pray for peace, wisdom, and clarity, and I look up to the dry land ahead, I am confident that the promise I have been given will come to pass and my God will lift me from the mud I am walking through. I hope to encourage you by telling you that if you are also in a season of mud, you are not alone. I am with you, I am taking it one day at a time even when it seems hopeless, and there is good on the other side of the current pain. Keep trudging, keep trusting, and keep praying because there is dry land ahead, and the person standing on the dry land calling you to come forward is even better than the dry land itself.

trash wars

Taking out the trash is the worst chore, especially when you live in an apartment of girls who all share that same opinion. In my last apartment, the constant struggle was keeping the trash out of the apartment. We would bag it and put it by the door, but the walk to the dumpster just seemed to be more than we could handle. For me personally, the worst part is the smell that comes from the top of the bag when you pull the strings to tie it together (gagging thinking about it). I would say that many living situations without a designated trash person (dad or brother maybe?) would have a similar problem.

In my mind, I named it: trash wars. See who can stand to see or smell the bag longest and how long someone else will leave it there. Let's call it a game of endurance. I began to play the game in my head often. The real test comes when someone has a friend over- does it stay or does it go? How many bags can accumulate before someone takes one out? It is an interesting game, but I would not call it fun- it is also a little lazy, guilty as charged.

Think about it- do you have a friend that you would let come into your house with a full trash bag by the door, maybe a messy room and dishes in the sink? You know the friend I am talking about, you simply are comfortable with them and know you will not be judged no matter what your life looks like. Imagine you let your "comfort" friend in the house in the middle of the trash war to watch a movie or to eat dinner, they stay for a while and have a good time, then they sneak out and take the trash with them to the dumpster for you. (Cue feeling like the worst friend ever and most disgusting person, realizing that the trash wars could have ended and you did not actually have to test your roommates...) So you tell them to leave the trash, they refuse because they want to serve you, and you feel like a crappy friend, woohoo!

What if we were as comfortable letting Jesus into the messy parts of our lives as we are letting our "comfort" friend in during trash wars? What if we let him into our messy rooms, relationships, and thoughts? What if we talked to him the way we talk to our friends who know the good and bad about everything that goes on in our lives, the one(s) we go to immediately after we hear news or anything happens?

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Jesus cares more about us than our trash bags. He wants to be included in the messes and allowed to come into our lives at any point; he wants to be invited in at every point. When he knocks, we can answer confidently, no matter the condition of our house. Maybe life is a wreck, work is hard, friendships are confusing, and your house is messier than ever; that is when he wants to come in most. We do not need to clean up to let him in, the verse above does not say, "If anyone hears my voice, cleans his house, and opens the door," it simply says that He will come and eat with whoever hears him and lets him in. It is as simple as that, no matter the circumstance- just let him in. I even would go a step further and say that Jesus is like your "comfort" friend. If you let him in in the midst of trash wars, he most likely will come in and have fun, and sneak the trash out for you, no questions asked. I feel confident in knowing that my Jesus is more than a Creator, father, and savior- he is a friend, a "comfort" friend, and he has no problem taking the trash out for you once you simply let him in.

Let Jesus be your "comfort" friend, he wants more than anything for you to let him into every single room of your life and to help you clean it up, rather than making him wait for you to clean it up before you let him in.

sun behind the clouds

Sandy toes, windy air, salty waves- only one day on the beach and it's cloudy all day. Overcast, chilly, and no need for the sunglasses I just bought; sounds like the best beach day ever, right? I haven't written a blog post in a while and was starting to wonder why I felt like I had nothing to say. I took some time to revamp the style of my blog a few weeks ago but had no story to post- bummer. Over the past few days, I went on an incredible beach trip to celebrate one of my best friends. We weren't there for long but it was a much-needed getaway. As I sat on the beach and most of the group had trickled inside, I stayed and looked out over the ocean. Asking God why I wasn't hearing anything from him, why I had nothing to say, and getting frustrated because I felt like there was something blocking me from hearing Him. I sat looking into the ocean and asked God to show me something, begging for anything- and he did it. 

Even though I could not see the sun all day, it was still there. Even though I am in a season where I am not seeing miracles or hearing God often, He is still there. 

It was obvious to me at that point, after 5 hours straight on the beach, that there was some sun beneath the clouds, but it was not until later that I realized just how much sun I had gotten. I am burnt to a crisp, ask anyone on the trip or even probably Instagram could tell you as much. When I was sitting there in the cold wind on the beach I thought I was not getting any sun because I couldn't see it, but I was getting more sun than I thought was possible through the clouds. One day on the beach and what looks like a week's worth of sunburn showed me even more so that through this time of cloudy thoughts, confusion, and what feels like a dry season, God may be just behind the clouds. Although I am ready to graduate in May more than anything and am going through a season of big decisions, my faith is strong because he can still work through the clouds. I still got a bad sunburn even though I barely saw the sun with my eyes. He is still working in my life even though I cannot seem to see Him.  Maybe you are walking through a season (like me) where you feel like God is being silent or you aren't receiving the answers or breakthrough you have been praying for, just know that even on the cloudy days at the beach, the sun is still there. I knew going into the trip that overcast days produced just as much, if not more, sunburn than sunny days, but until I saw the results I was not completely convinced. Know that I am not out of the season yet, but He promised us in the midst of the cloudy season that he is only just beyond the clouds and He can still work just as much, if not more when we cannot see exactly what He is working on. 

"It is the Lord your God who goes with you; He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Appreciation goes first and foremost to the one behind the clouds, for speaking into my season of misunderstanding and seemingly silent answers, but also to the people who made this short trip one of the best. To the soon-to-be bride, Bri, and some of the coolest friends around- thank you for stretching me, loving me, and not waking me up early. You guys are truly the best around. 

*Photos by the incredibly talented April Harrison*

snow days & Phase 10

Sometimes things that are intended to be good turn into things that aren’t so good. I think we all can relate, right? Maybe these everyday things that aren’t so good are meant to lead us to a truth that applies to the bigger, more pressing things we are walking through simultaneously.

“For you, God, tested us;

you refined us like silver.

You brought us into prison

And laid burdens on our backs.

You let people ride over our heads;

We went through fire and water,

But you brought us to a place of abundance.”

Psalm 66:8-12

Tonight, through a harmless game of Phase 10 on a “snowy” Alabama night, things came to light in what first felt uncomfortable and unfortunate. A three-hour unfinished game of Phase 10 with a group of close friends led to hurt feelings and disagreement. The details aren’t necessary but only an understanding of the realization of something small turning into something big unexpectedly and without any one person at fault. I think we can all relate being stuck in the middle of an escalating situation and feeling like no one person has the power to fix it, but it is “too small” of a situation to be addressed. Through this late night semi-heated card game, the verse above came to life. We are being refined like silver and walking through what feels like hurt and fire because there is something better on the other side. We have been brought into the prison of disappointment and conflict, burdens of words and relationships have been laid on our backs, but it is not an obstacle for us to jump over by our own strength- it is taking us to the abundance of life that awaits on the outside. People like me (a people pleaser who hates conflict), let people walk over us and it sometimes feels like a drowning sensation in a situation that cannot be changed. I allow things to happen to me to keep the harmony, but sometimes that leaves me in what feels like the fire. The fire that is the fear of conflict and disagreement, the fire that is wanting to sink in situations where truth and real feelings are being spoken, but the fire is refining. No one wants to walk through the fire or feel like they are drowning, so don't think I am writing this off as a fun, exciting season, because I can say from personal experience it is not. We are not being put through the situation we are currently in because we deserve a struggle. We are not in the current situation we are in because God wants to see if we can make it. We are not walking through the friend or family situation we are walking through only to make us stronger- we are walking through our current situation because there is a place of abundance on the other side.

A place of abundance stands on the other side of the Phase 10 game the same way a place of abundance stands on the other side of the relational, financial, or spiritual struggle we are walking through. When the feelings have been stated, the shots have been fired, and the emotions run rampant- the result will lead you to a place of abundance from God alone. Abundance is defined as, “a very large quantity of something." An abundance of joy and an abundance of peace are ready when we walk out of the fire- it has not consumed us and we have not been allowed to burn up in the fire because we are protected and are being refined like silver. God is using the difficult situation you are in to refine you, to make you better and stronger, to build relationships and lead you to new things, and you will not burn in this fire. There is a place of great abundance on the other side and every step you take through the fire, every day you feel the same frustration or disappointment or anger, you are only moving closer to the abundance on the other side that God is preparing for you. Keep holding on, this fire will not burn you, it will not last forever, and there is a good thing if you just keep pushing through it.

it only takes one second

Tonight, my perspective was changed by a group of middle school boys at Motion Night (I never thought I would say that statement). As I stood in the back during worship tonight, I got a little irritated with the students playing around, standing with their arms crossed, and talking during worship, but a certain group of middle school boys caught my eye. They were actually hitting each other while Scripture was being read (ugh) and the rest of the group of maybe 20 were standing completely still or looking around at the ceiling during the first song of worship. I was honestly having a hard time focusing on worship because my eyes were right in front of me on these distractions. So I began to pray for them to be still, so I could focus (selfishly), then those prayers turned into prayers for their souls and to see them the way God does, and then those boys became the people I pray for every day. The people I have prayed for years to find a real relationship with the Lord, the people I have been praying for since I first found Christ myself, my friends and family who I want more than anything to experience the life found in Christ that I have found. Those boys were my family, they were my friends, they began to represent the people I love the most instead of the people irritating me during worship at Motion night. As this transformation happened, God showed me something that turned my prayers into tears of joy. 

 "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere..." (Psalm 84:10)

One second in His presence is all it takes to change a person completely. Prayers I have been praying for years and years for salvations can happen in one instant when God shows up. I could get a call at any moment from one of these people who I have been praying for and holding onto for so long, because my prayers are not empty no matter how long they have been going up. He hears me and He loves me and He loves the people I am praying for more than I ever could. I know this because in just a few moments, tonight I saw both hands go up in worship from one of the boys (tears), then I saw another, and another (more tears), and by the end of this song, the exact same boys who I had just watched fighting during the Scripture had their hands raised (now sobbing). In a sea of young people who are lost and uninterested, the very ones I noticed and brought to the Lord in prayer were worshiping with hands lifted high. In the span of one moment, my perspective changed. I don't know if they had an experience with God like never before, or if they simply raised their hands because one of their friends did, but either way God spoke to me and told me that it only takes ONE second. One second equals a life changed for eternity, and it only takes one second for someone to come into the kingdom of God, no matter how long the prayers have been prayed. It only takes one second for a person to go from fighting to worshiping, from lost to found. The wait is worth the one second when the transformation happens- keep holding on, keep praying, His timing is perfect and He always chooses the exact second He wants to make that move. He always makes a way.

the day I accidentally found my weird HOME

During the end of my junior year of high school/beginning of summer, some changes began to happen in my "social life" and it caused me so much hurt. I realized during these changes that I was only going to the church I was going to at the time because my "friends" went there and we ate together after service (don't lie, I know someone else has been there too). So, my best friends and I  went on a journey to find a new church, ultimately because we were hoping we could find some new friends. 

So... one Sunday my best friend and I planned a church hopping event- we scoped out some churches with cool websites and programs for people our age that looked like we could fit in, and we made a list with different service times and locations. In the back of my mind there was this church I had been to once before and wanted to check out again, but I didn't want to add it to the list because it was kind of weird, the preacher was on a screen (weird, right?) and it was a lot of college students and I was still in high school, and honestly I just didn't understand how it worked. Well, my friend and I were really nervous and drove past like three churches on our list, circled the parking lots, missed the service start times, and talked ourselves out of trying a new church. This weird church didn't start until 11:30 though, so the whole time in the back of my mind I thought, if none of these work out, we can just go to the weird church. 

We went to the weird church... wasted probably an hour driving around Tuscaloosa circling parking lots and examining people walking in, got really nervous about walking into the weird church because it was not in a real church building and there were what felt like a million people there, and we did not really know what to expect when we walked in. It was incredible. After the service, I knew that this weird church would now be MY weird church. The music was loud, the people danced and waved their hands during the "songs," the pastor was on a screen and there was a pastor on the stage in Tuscaloosa (two pastors? weird), but the second I left I knew that even though I did not understand this place, it would be my home. 

Fast forward to senior year of high school. I experienced love like never before from a God I thought I knew a long time ago, I publicly declared that love with water baptism at a night service that I did not plan to get baptized in, and I began to serve and fall in love with the local church like I had never experienced in my life. I got in my first small group spring of my senior year and the little small group of 4-6 people became my rock for one of the hardest seasons of my life. I joined another small group in fall of my freshman year of college, found leaders who continue to shape my life today and led me to join the church college internship, 2:52. Then- God began doing things bigger than I could imagine, honestly bigger than I wanted. 

The third Sunday in January 2014 I got a word from the Lord and knew I was being sent. This weird church would become more than a hobby, it would become a way of living. This relationship I had formed with God would become more than occasional, it would become a dependence. I was being called to leave everything and person I knew and step into a season of life that is nothing I would have planned for myself. God called me to Highlands College, the weird school. No one knew what it was, I didn't really even know, and yet I knew so confidently that I had to go. 

Today I attend the weirdest school I have ever heard of. It is a school that is connected to a church that is changing thousands of lives across the state of Alabama. It is a school connected to a church that changed my life personally and carried me through the toughest times. It is a school where everyone knows everyone, but everyone also cares about everyone. It is a school where we do physical challenges and where we endure things that we didn't think we could, build relationships with people we don't know, and get a grade on it (weird). It is a school where God is moving and growing and using each student to reach His Kingdom- it is a really weird school, but if Highlands College is weird, and Church of the Highlands is weird, then I never want to stop being weird. 

Today marks 15 years of the weird church, Church of the Highlands, and I could not be more thankful that God pushed me into the doors of this weird church about 3 years ago. I am a part of something that is bigger than anything I could ever do on my own, and I see week after week, day after day, the effects of the Lord's favor on this house. This church has changed everything about me (maybe even the way I post Instagrams, I admit it, gotta be hip) and I would never go back to how I was or where I was. Sitting in a service this Wednesday tears came because I realized the impact this place has, and I realized how cool it is that I get to be a part of it. I was made for this weird church.

This weird church is my home, and I am so glad I accidentally found it.