when holidays aren't so happy

Sitting around a Christmas tree, drinking hot chocolate, laughing and reminiscing on Christmases past, singing carols, celebrating each other's accomplishments, and truly enjoying each others' company. Opening gifts bought specifically with each person in mind but still remembering and celebrating the birth of Jesus as the only real reason for the season. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Too bad it doesn't exist, at least, not that I have ever seen or heard of. Actually it seems that the drama depicted in movies around holidays is still not anything compared to the crazy that is a real family on Christmas. We see pictures of families smiling wearing matching pajamas and kids playing with a living room full of new toys perfectly posed, we hear stories of fun traditions and games each family experiences, and we talk about our Christmas Eve tradition of going to church together and lighting candles as a family, but there are some parts that typically get left out of our advertised Christmas experience. 

Sometimes the parts that get left out can look like the chaos and confusion that went into the perfectly posed photo, the hours and frustration that went into putting the toys together Christmas Eve into early Christmas morning, the Dirty Santa game that caused tears. Or maybe it's the ride to your church Christmas service where the volume of arguing voices was so high that you wanted to turn around but you went into the service threatening to take back Christmas gifts if everyone did not look jolly. Maybe it's the hurt and emotions of a loved one who is not there for Christmas for the first time this year, or another year of hurt from a divorce that changed the holidays years ago, or another year of being disappointed because Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year and you are trying to convince yourself that you wouldn't rather it be just another day at the office. I get it, and honestly, I think more people get it than we may realize. 

Over the past few weeks I have had and heard many conversations about holiday plans and traditions and usually the plan itself sounds fun but the tone it is being told with implies another emotion. Happy families, sad families, dysfunctional families, distant families, and close families alike experience it, I have seen it with my own eyes. Everyone seems to think their family is dysfunctional and prove that they are more dysfunctional than yours, but no one wants to share the true stories of the holidays they will never forget for all the wrong reasons. Usually, the gifts have nothing to do with the memories. People typically forget what gifts they got last Christmas or the year before, and instead remember the experience of past holidays. You can probably think right now of a holiday that was different than others for either a good reason or a bad, and it was probably related to the people and circumstances that presented themselves that year. For example, you probably remember clearly the first Christmas after the divorce where you had to clear your schedule and have Christmas separately, or the first Christmas without your beloved family member there to celebrate with you, or maybe you remember your first Christmas with kids and how that changed everything about your plans and priorities. These things are atmospheres that we remember because of the people that created the experience by their presence or lack thereof. 

Why do holidays have to be so stressful?
Isn't Christmas supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year? 
Can't we all just get along and not have issues for one Christmas?
I have asked myself so many times these questions. 

Really, the reason we can't get along, why we have fights during dinner, why crying is often a part of the agenda for many people, etc. is because Christmas is the holiday that allowed our souls to be saved, and without it, every single day would be a literal hell on earth. In order to keep us from enjoying and celebrating the birth of our king, Jesus, the enemy uses a time made to bring us together to instead tear us apart. It's a force to be reckoned with, and although people are difficult (especially family sometimes), the difficulty comes with the pushback from the enemy of Christmas himself who would have done anything to keep Jesus from being born and now will do anything to make us forget to celebrate Him. Even Jesus, the only perfect human to ever walk the earth, had family drama and conflict. ("For even his own brothers did not believe in him." John 7:5). Why would we not expect for our families to be attacked in the Christmas season? Understanding that we are being opposed by an enemy sheds some light on our situations and hopefully allows us to see the enemy as the enemy and not the people we love so much but just cannot seem to get along with. Whether a believer in Jesus Christ or not- the enemy wants to distract the believers from celebrating Jesus and keep those who haven't found Jesus yet from seeing the significance in Christmas. Your family does not come to Christmas dinner hoping to leave hurt and crying for another year in a row, no one does, but that is the plan of the enemy. 

The only way to overcome the not-so-happy holidays is to choose to recognize and experience the joy of the season no matter what. We have to receive mercy, and extend grace. 

• Mercy: compassion or forgiveness toward someone whom it is within your power to punish or harm
• Grace: extending kindness toward someone unworthy of receiving it

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

This Christmas, whether you have had a great day with family, are dreading your next few family gatherings, are sitting at home alone avoiding the hurt of past years, or had an unexpected conflict that left your family in tears, let's resist the schemes of the enemy together and choose to have joy simply because without Christmas we would have no hope. Although I have seen my fair share of not-so-merry Christmases, let's choose to receive the mercy God gave to us allowing us salvation from the sins we committed and did not deserve redemption from, and extend the grace of God to ourselves and our families in this season. When holidays aren't so happy, let's take the reigns back from the enemy of Christmas and place the focus on the savior who was born. Our enemy is not the family we have, our enemy is the stealer of joy who will do everything possible to make the best time of the year become the worst. Let's vow to not give him the satisfaction of taking it from us, no matter how difficult it may be. This Christmas, through the heartache, sadness, loneliness, hurt, and tears, let's hold tight to the promise of a coming Savior, who was born today in a manger many years ago, and who will wipe away every tear when the time comes. Although it may be impossible to make the holidays happy, let's choose joy today to the best of our ability and not forget the hope to come. Christmas in heaven will truly be the greatest celebration. 

Merry Christmas friends!