snow days & Phase 10

Sometimes things that are intended to be good turn into things that aren’t so good. I think we all can relate, right? Maybe these everyday things that aren’t so good are meant to lead us to a truth that applies to the bigger, more pressing things we are walking through simultaneously.

“For you, God, tested us;

you refined us like silver.

You brought us into prison

And laid burdens on our backs.

You let people ride over our heads;

We went through fire and water,

But you brought us to a place of abundance.”

Psalm 66:8-12

Tonight, through a harmless game of Phase 10 on a “snowy” Alabama night, things came to light in what first felt uncomfortable and unfortunate. A three-hour unfinished game of Phase 10 with a group of close friends led to hurt feelings and disagreement. The details aren’t necessary but only an understanding of the realization of something small turning into something big unexpectedly and without any one person at fault. I think we can all relate being stuck in the middle of an escalating situation and feeling like no one person has the power to fix it, but it is “too small” of a situation to be addressed. Through this late night semi-heated card game, the verse above came to life. We are being refined like silver and walking through what feels like hurt and fire because there is something better on the other side. We have been brought into the prison of disappointment and conflict, burdens of words and relationships have been laid on our backs, but it is not an obstacle for us to jump over by our own strength- it is taking us to the abundance of life that awaits on the outside. People like me (a people pleaser who hates conflict), let people walk over us and it sometimes feels like a drowning sensation in a situation that cannot be changed. I allow things to happen to me to keep the harmony, but sometimes that leaves me in what feels like the fire. The fire that is the fear of conflict and disagreement, the fire that is wanting to sink in situations where truth and real feelings are being spoken, but the fire is refining. No one wants to walk through the fire or feel like they are drowning, so don't think I am writing this off as a fun, exciting season, because I can say from personal experience it is not. We are not being put through the situation we are currently in because we deserve a struggle. We are not in the current situation we are in because God wants to see if we can make it. We are not walking through the friend or family situation we are walking through only to make us stronger- we are walking through our current situation because there is a place of abundance on the other side.

A place of abundance stands on the other side of the Phase 10 game the same way a place of abundance stands on the other side of the relational, financial, or spiritual struggle we are walking through. When the feelings have been stated, the shots have been fired, and the emotions run rampant- the result will lead you to a place of abundance from God alone. Abundance is defined as, “a very large quantity of something." An abundance of joy and an abundance of peace are ready when we walk out of the fire- it has not consumed us and we have not been allowed to burn up in the fire because we are protected and are being refined like silver. God is using the difficult situation you are in to refine you, to make you better and stronger, to build relationships and lead you to new things, and you will not burn in this fire. There is a place of great abundance on the other side and every step you take through the fire, every day you feel the same frustration or disappointment or anger, you are only moving closer to the abundance on the other side that God is preparing for you. Keep holding on, this fire will not burn you, it will not last forever, and there is a good thing if you just keep pushing through it.

it only takes one second

Tonight, my perspective was changed by a group of middle school boys at Motion Night (I never thought I would say that statement). As I stood in the back during worship tonight, I got a little irritated with the students playing around, standing with their arms crossed, and talking during worship, but a certain group of middle school boys caught my eye. They were actually hitting each other while Scripture was being read (ugh) and the rest of the group of maybe 20 were standing completely still or looking around at the ceiling during the first song of worship. I was honestly having a hard time focusing on worship because my eyes were right in front of me on these distractions. So I began to pray for them to be still, so I could focus (selfishly), then those prayers turned into prayers for their souls and to see them the way God does, and then those boys became the people I pray for every day. The people I have prayed for years to find a real relationship with the Lord, the people I have been praying for since I first found Christ myself, my friends and family who I want more than anything to experience the life found in Christ that I have found. Those boys were my family, they were my friends, they began to represent the people I love the most instead of the people irritating me during worship at Motion night. As this transformation happened, God showed me something that turned my prayers into tears of joy. 

 "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere..." (Psalm 84:10)

One second in His presence is all it takes to change a person completely. Prayers I have been praying for years and years for salvations can happen in one instant when God shows up. I could get a call at any moment from one of these people who I have been praying for and holding onto for so long, because my prayers are not empty no matter how long they have been going up. He hears me and He loves me and He loves the people I am praying for more than I ever could. I know this because in just a few moments, tonight I saw both hands go up in worship from one of the boys (tears), then I saw another, and another (more tears), and by the end of this song, the exact same boys who I had just watched fighting during the Scripture had their hands raised (now sobbing). In a sea of young people who are lost and uninterested, the very ones I noticed and brought to the Lord in prayer were worshiping with hands lifted high. In the span of one moment, my perspective changed. I don't know if they had an experience with God like never before, or if they simply raised their hands because one of their friends did, but either way God spoke to me and told me that it only takes ONE second. One second equals a life changed for eternity, and it only takes one second for someone to come into the kingdom of God, no matter how long the prayers have been prayed. It only takes one second for a person to go from fighting to worshiping, from lost to found. The wait is worth the one second when the transformation happens- keep holding on, keep praying, His timing is perfect and He always chooses the exact second He wants to make that move. He always makes a way.

the day I accidentally found my weird HOME

During the end of my junior year of high school/beginning of summer, some changes began to happen in my "social life" and it caused me so much hurt. I realized during these changes that I was only going to the church I was going to at the time because my "friends" went there and we ate together after service (don't lie, I know someone else has been there too). So, my best friends and I  went on a journey to find a new church, ultimately because we were hoping we could find some new friends. 

So... one Sunday my best friend and I planned a church hopping event- we scoped out some churches with cool websites and programs for people our age that looked like we could fit in, and we made a list with different service times and locations. In the back of my mind there was this church I had been to once before and wanted to check out again, but I didn't want to add it to the list because it was kind of weird, the preacher was on a screen (weird, right?) and it was a lot of college students and I was still in high school, and honestly I just didn't understand how it worked. Well, my friend and I were really nervous and drove past like three churches on our list, circled the parking lots, missed the service start times, and talked ourselves out of trying a new church. This weird church didn't start until 11:30 though, so the whole time in the back of my mind I thought, if none of these work out, we can just go to the weird church. 

We went to the weird church... wasted probably an hour driving around Tuscaloosa circling parking lots and examining people walking in, got really nervous about walking into the weird church because it was not in a real church building and there were what felt like a million people there, and we did not really know what to expect when we walked in. It was incredible. After the service, I knew that this weird church would now be MY weird church. The music was loud, the people danced and waved their hands during the "songs," the pastor was on a screen and there was a pastor on the stage in Tuscaloosa (two pastors? weird), but the second I left I knew that even though I did not understand this place, it would be my home. 

Fast forward to senior year of high school. I experienced love like never before from a God I thought I knew a long time ago, I publicly declared that love with water baptism at a night service that I did not plan to get baptized in, and I began to serve and fall in love with the local church like I had never experienced in my life. I got in my first small group spring of my senior year and the little small group of 4-6 people became my rock for one of the hardest seasons of my life. I joined another small group in fall of my freshman year of college, found leaders who continue to shape my life today and led me to join the church college internship, 2:52. Then- God began doing things bigger than I could imagine, honestly bigger than I wanted. 

The third Sunday in January 2014 I got a word from the Lord and knew I was being sent. This weird church would become more than a hobby, it would become a way of living. This relationship I had formed with God would become more than occasional, it would become a dependence. I was being called to leave everything and person I knew and step into a season of life that is nothing I would have planned for myself. God called me to Highlands College, the weird school. No one knew what it was, I didn't really even know, and yet I knew so confidently that I had to go. 

Today I attend the weirdest school I have ever heard of. It is a school that is connected to a church that is changing thousands of lives across the state of Alabama. It is a school connected to a church that changed my life personally and carried me through the toughest times. It is a school where everyone knows everyone, but everyone also cares about everyone. It is a school where we do physical challenges and where we endure things that we didn't think we could, build relationships with people we don't know, and get a grade on it (weird). It is a school where God is moving and growing and using each student to reach His Kingdom- it is a really weird school, but if Highlands College is weird, and Church of the Highlands is weird, then I never want to stop being weird. 

Today marks 15 years of the weird church, Church of the Highlands, and I could not be more thankful that God pushed me into the doors of this weird church about 3 years ago. I am a part of something that is bigger than anything I could ever do on my own, and I see week after week, day after day, the effects of the Lord's favor on this house. This church has changed everything about me (maybe even the way I post Instagrams, I admit it, gotta be hip) and I would never go back to how I was or where I was. Sitting in a service this Wednesday tears came because I realized the impact this place has, and I realized how cool it is that I get to be a part of it. I was made for this weird church.

This weird church is my home, and I am so glad I accidentally found it. 

why I am stingy with "I Love You"

I feel like I might owe some people an explanation. Going to a school full of people who love Jesus and hugs and everyone else, I feel I might not be completely understood, and I want to make myself clear. I don’t throw around “I love you” the way that it seems it is common around here, and it is partly because I am awkward, but it is also because I see a huge weight on the word “love”. 

A very wise friend of mine in a small group earlier this year said that she wanted to stop saying “I love you” as much because she wasn't following through with what God says that love is. How could it be bad to love people when the word of God says to? 1 John 4:7-8 says, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” So why would she be concerned about telling people she loved them?

“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”  1 Corinthians 13:13

Love is an action, not a phrase. According to this verse, love is….

Patient, Kind, Content, Humble, Selfless, Pleasant, Peaceful, Rejoices in the Truth, 

        Bears all things, Believes all things, Hopes all things, Endures all things, and Never 

        Ends. 

I never want to be in a place where I express love with my mouth and don’t show it with my actions. The word holds so much weight to me. So…. maybe you are one of the people I love but don’t always express it the same way that you do, know that I do love you, with the same love that Jesus loves me, I just don’t want to put anything on the line by throwing around a word that holds so much weight to me in my spirit. I am so thankful for so many people, at home in Tuscaloosa, in Birmingham at Highlands College, and many places in between, and I do honestly love you, I would just rather show it than say it for the sake of being true to my word. For every time my awesome friends say “the phrase” and I get awkward and throw you a peace sign or something weird, or every hug I deflect because I don’t know how to respond, just know that it is me protecting my word, and protecting the definition of love given by the only person who can actually love perfectly. We have been given the greatest example of love, and thankfully I have been blessed enough to find it- I know my brokenness, and I know that I am incredibly imperfect, therefore; I want to do my best to preserve the greatest things we have been given, love. 

“And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13

say my name

“You have a tattoo?!” 

Yes I do.

“What is it? What does it mean?”

It stands for constancy, and the way God always stays the same when everything else changes. Like the circle doesn't change, neither does He. 

“How do you know?”

Know what?

“That God never changes”

Because He has shown me over and over again.

“Because He is God and you believe what He says.”

This conversation was had today between myself and a woman of God I admire, respect and love, who also happens to be my boss. I learned two things from this short conversation, and until reading this (if she reads it), she wouldn’t know the impact had on me today by the very simple question she asked me upon seeing my tattoo at work. I was in the back by myself, washing dishes and feeling the steaming water growing my hair, but more importantly, I was washing dishes to escape. I was in a slump I couldn’t find the source to, and in a mood I couldn't describe with no specific reason why. I thought if I could just get away from people for a minute I could clear my mind and get over whatever it was that I had gotten into, or maybe just put a finger on what was bothering me, and I was right, but I was also wrong. I stood there, washing plates and cleaning up the messes people left behind asking God to fix whatever was wrong, to put me in a better mood, to allow me to not feel this bad and to renew my mind of whatever this problem was that I knew I was having but didn't know why. Not a very specific prayer, but my Father knew exactly how to answer it. Indirectly, through this lovely woman, He said “speak My name,” my beloved daughter, “speak the name of your God.”

I did- not by choice, just to answer a simple question that interrupted my prayer to fix whatever it is that was wrong with me. The answer to my prayer was so simple, yet so complex- bring me into your life outside of quiet time, outside of reading my word, outside of screaming Hillsong in your car alone; Say My Name. I didn’t know that this was my answer until she walked away, and I was smiling thinking of the day I got the tattoo and the prayers that took place before it. The people that were there with me and the encouragement of friends who love Jesus. Most of all, the reason I got the tattoo, because time and time again, as well as, all at once, my God proved himself faithful and showed me that its okay when things change because He doesn’t- EVER. Never has, never will. And when I found myself in a bad mood, most likely held down by the devil attempting to keep my joy from reaching the surface, God said “Bayly, do you remember what I’ve done? Do you remember why you got that tattoo? Do you remember that I love you, even when you don't act like you're loved by me? Do you remember?” He reminded me. A simple question blended my quiet relationship with God to my (also quiet) relationship with people. Two worlds collided and it brought me more joy than anything else could. 

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

Second thing, did you see the question she asked after I explained the tattoo? Go back and read it.

 “How do you know?”

How do I know that God stays the same? This is my boss who loves Jesus, I should have the right answer here, but what is the right answer? Is this a trick question? All of this went through my mind, and I fumbled for the first words I could get out. 

“Because He has showed me over and over again.”

This is true, completely true, his constancy is a testament to how God has worked in me and is working through me. But her response tested me, tested my faith, and tested the way I describe my God to other people. 

“Because he is God and you believe what he says.”

Simple, but difficult. No evidence in that statement- just faith. Faith that He is real, His word is true, and He continues to be who He says He is today. All of these things that I believe, but wasn't sure how to put into words. Not sure the response I would get from other people if I spoke these words or how it would come across, but she just said it. Complete faith, faith to free fall and know that God is at the bottom even when you cannot see him there. How many times do people ask you how you know what you state is true? Especially people who believe the same that you do? Its a question I will begin to ask myself more often, and a question I believe we, as believers, should use more frequently. We don't have to have a scientific proof to state what we believe. Im not saying we don’t ever need that or wont ever have conversation like that, but it isn't necessary. We can simply say that we believe because we believe, and that is enough. Wow, the joy of the name of God and the reminders he gives that are so simple, yet so complex, just because He is listening- and He loves me. 

“So that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:10-11

replacing puzzle pieces

     This post will be unlike my others. Today, you will hear a big part of my story and why I am who I am hoping to touch you in some way or another. I know there are people who need to hear what I have gone through to come through what they are going through, and if that is you- please continue. If you are not willing to be moved, to be changed, by my story, then feel free to go back to Facebook or Instagram or whatever you were doing before and keep checking your newsfeed, this is vulnerability in a way that is uncomfortable to me, but I believe God will use it for His good. Hopefully this does not offend anyone, and if it does just know that you were part of my story. Here we go...

     A few years ago I thought I was living the life, I had lots of friends, just moved into a new house, and was getting ready for what were supposed to be the best years of my life, junior and senior year of high school. Little did I know, Satan was planning something that I would never wish upon anyone and he began to spring it on me in pieces right before summer of my junior year. Beginning with my friends deciding that me and my best friend were no longer part of the group, then having to find a new church because the only reason I was there was because of those friends. Then, my parents told me they were getting a divorce, and that unthinkable truth began to tear me apart. Some of you may remember seeing me at school the next day looking like I had died and come to school straight out of the grave. Puffy eyes and untamable tears, and only one person knew what was going on. I was left without my group of friends, to go through something terrible and no one even asked me what was wrong. I literally thought my life was over. I would soon be graduating high school, living a less than expected senior year, and at the end of the summer my best friend would move 3 hours away. I would leave the school I knew for my whole life and the people I knew my whole life and jump right into college, a new chapter, as soon as I graduated. Me and my brother went from living in one house with two parents, to living in two houses and jumping back and forth week after week (and transporting my closet with me), and I was left with no church, no friends, no stability, and above everything, a whole lot of change.

     Well, for me change has never been a good thing. Lunch plans changing irritates me a bit if I am being completely honest. I like to know what is going on, have everything prepared for and taken care of, and be able to watch my nicely planned day fall together the way it was "supposed" to. The past year has completely changed that mindset for me. I have seen the beauty in change, and the way comfort can only come in times of heartbreak and tears because of the God who is greater than everything earthly. 

     First thing, I found Church of the Highlands. I found small groups, and I found almost all of the people who are now my best friends and I did not know their names or faces a year ago. Because I was forced to step out of my comfort zone and join a small group that I was terrified of doing, I found comfort in the change. Next, moves happened smoothly, and the arguing I had grown accustomed to with my parents no longer existed, me and my brother got used to the switching around and a week away from each of them made me start to appreciate both of my parents more, and get closer to them, I found comfort in the change. I started school at Shelton and no longer faced the people who had left me out and I no longer felt like the odd one out of the group, I found comfort in the change. If none of the things I thought were horrible and the end of the world happened, none of these things could have happened either. I would be miserable in the old instead of comfortable in the change.

     The most important thing that happened in the year my life fell apart is a decision I made. I fought with it and I tried to ignore it but there was no denying that I had a dilemma and I had to decide how I was going to get through it. It was going to be completely without God, letting myself mourn for myself and me make all my decisions, or it was going to be completely surrendered to God. Thankfully, I chose the second option. If these things would not have happened, I would have kept living my "almost" Christian life and never experienced the joy and love and hope that comes with having an eternity to call my home. If I would not have said yes to Jesus, I would have missed out on all the friends I now have and the relationship I have with my Father in heaven. If I would not have had this heartbreaking event in my life, I would still be stuck in neutral, not being able to go forward or backward and only moving with the people around me. But also, if I wouldn't have said yes to Him then, He would still be waiting for me now and forever because he loves me that much, and he loves you that much too. Satan intended to use all of this to destroy me, to make me blame myself and to make me live a miserable, upset, and empty life, but my God did not leave me alone. He came to save the day, He saved me from the things I was suffering and showed my the life He has for me. He showed me how to find the joy in both the things of the ordinary and the terrible things that came (and still come) my way. I fell in love with the God of the universe, my Father in Heaven who created me and is waiting for me in paradise, and the God who leads my every steps and works everything for my good BECAUSE of the terrible things that I thought were the end of the world. The end of the world was the beginning of my real life of joy in Jesus Christ. 

     Since I made this decision and began to know my Savior, so many awesome things have happened (bad things too.) Life still happens when we know Jesus and seek Him, "life" just seems a little less important and Jesus seems more. As some of you may know already, I have surrendered my life to what God has planned for me in Highlands College (please read that story and support me financially at www.gofundme.com/baylybusby), and I was saved physically from a wreck that was intended to destroy me, but barely hurt me, and was shown that my purpose is greater than what I have done. As I started to say yes to God's plans for me, the devil began to throw punches, but God is standing in front of me taking the punches because it is not time for me to fall- my purpose is bigger than that, bigger than a wreck can destroy, and no matter what else satan throws I know my God is bigger. 

     I want you to know that this is not just my story, God wants it to be yours too. He is standing there looking at you waiting and hoping that you will seek Him and find him in your heartbreak, and if satan is holding you under the water right now, God will pull you out, all you have to do is look to Him. He is waiting for you, only because He wants you to make the decision and not be forced, and it will be the best decision you have ever made. Take my word for it. If you are on the edge, feel like everything is falling apart and you don't want to keep going in this life, know that there is another life and there is a Father who can take you there and give you glimpses of the joy of eternity even while you are still here. Everything that is holding you back from going all in, it is worth giving up. Everything is worth losing if Jesus is gained. If I could go back a year or two and redo everything, I wouldn't, because that would mean I would lose the one thing that stays the same when everything else changes, my Father. 

As an analogy, my life was a little bit like a puzzle, I had all the pieces and was just trying to put them together into what I thought would be perfect. God began to slowly replace the pieces of my puzzle with the pieces of His, and it messed me up- it confused me, made me angry, and really ruined my comfort. I then found that the puzzle He was making was much better, and he wasn't giving me random pieces, but He was giving me pieces to a new puzzle altogether that was thousands of times better than the first. I am still putting that puzzle together, but I know it will be better than any puzzle I could put together for myself and I know my God has plans better than I could ever ask or imagine. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory, forever and ever, Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

He held me

Today, I learned that my time on this earth is not over. God's grace and protection kept me safe when I should've been seriously injured. Satan tried to take me today, but God thankfully had a different plan. At 6 this morning, I was on the road headed to work and dodged a deer laying in the road. After swerving one direction and back the other in order to gain control, I completely lost control on the wet road and flipped down a hill of the side of the road about 4 times by the way the ground and the destroyed guardrail looked. Those few seconds I was flipping felt like 10 minutes and I was most worried about how I would land and if I would able to get out or find my phone to call someone since I could no longer easily be seen from the road. As soon as I stopped flipping, and came to a stop with my car upright, I realized that my God was holding onto me from the second I first saw the deer. Even though it took a while to get anyone on the phone because my family was still asleep, I knew that God was right there with me. My heavenly father took the tumble with me and never let go of me, not for a second. After looking for my phone for a few seconds and trying to sit and sort through my thoughts about what had just happened and what to do next, I found my phone sitting right up under my leg, not near the half of my belongings and my window that were in a puddle outside of my car. After some missed calls I got in touch with my family, and then called the police. When on the phone with the police and attempting to get out of the car, I realized that it was probably worse outside than I could tell because only the backseat driver side door would open. All of these details though, are irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that I should've been rushed to the hospital by ambulance with serious injuries; I shouldn't have been able to find my phone because of everything around it that was no longer still in the same place after 4 upside down flips; my driver side airbag should've came out and bruised me up more; and most of all I should've come out of the wreck with a whole lot more than a seatbelt bruise and a few scratches. A lot of things should've happened to me, but because of the protection of my God I lived a miracle today. 

"The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121:7-8

Thanks to my wonderful family, my amazing friends (who showed up in the emergency room even after I told them they didn't have to), and my father in heaven- I am still here today, and only will be sore for a few days. I am overwhelmed by the love and protection God showered on me, and although this wasn't my plan for today, I know it happened for a reason and today was not my day to be with my Father. My time on this earth is not over, I have been given a new sense of purpose knowing that there is a reason I am still here and God has something greater for me. Praise the Lord that I serve a God who cares about us and who loves each and every one of us enough to do the impossible. Miracles happen, today and everyday.

Above, see the guardrail Marg demolished and the hill I flipped down

Marg was like a member of the family and will be very missed, but I believe I had her for this moment. She kept me safe and allowed me to take some flips and not be crushed, I would say all the work and hard times on Marg were worth it for this moment.