"the one where..."

I have been hanging out with some new friends lately- Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey. Yep, you know them too, and yes, I am writing about the TV show "Friends"- but hear me out. Lately for me, the idea of dreaming has seemed to jump out of every conversation. People dreaming of their futures, wanting to know how to dream bigger, truly understanding what dreams are and what they mean, and even literal dreams have been the forefront of many conversations. It almost feels like someone stuck a sign on my back that said "let's talk about dreams". I have been thinking and praying about this topic and trying to dream about what could be to come for my life, but also dealing with fear that my expectations and dreams would set me up for failure in the future if they don't come true. 

I have been working my way from the beginning of "Friends" for a few months now, and it seems everyone around me knows what is going to happen and wants me to know too. When it comes up I have to basically beg people not to tell me or talk about what will happen because I want to experience it with the characters and not have prior knowledge before any episode (disclaimer, I am still not finished yet so no spoilers here). You would think that if I am begging people not to tell me what happens in the end or even in the next episode of this fictional TV show, that I would also be content with not knowing the end of my story here on earth. You would think that I would be happy with living where I am in my current situation and be glad to live each day as it comes, to truly experience it in the moment. Let me say that is not the case at all. I want to know everything honestly. I want a written timeline from God about who I am and what I will be doing tomorrow, next year, in ten years, and even in fifty years. I want to watch my life as a movie before I live it.

Sometimes I find myself somewhere without the control of my own TV and Netflix, and I am almost afraid to watch the show that I am currently in the middle of because I do not want to give away any details. If you have seen it you know that even the one sentence episode description of "Friends" can sometimes give away something huge that is going to happen. I have been in hotels with it playing and just wanted to close my eyes and not look, or at a friends' house looking for the episode I am on afraid to read the descriptions, so afraid that I will give something away to myself. Refusing to skip around and watch different episodes until I completely finish every season straight through because I do not want to miss any small or large details. I cannot imagine skipping from season one to season five based on what I know now. It would not make sense and it would ruin my future viewing by tainting it with what is to come without context. 

God is challenging me to view my life in the same way. Never did I think that the Holy Spirit would speak to me through this, but he continues to surprise me. If I will not skip one twenty minute episode of this TV show, why would I ask God to let me see fifty years down the road of my own life without context? How boring would my life be now if I already knew when everything I am dreaming about would happen? If I already knew when I will become a wife, mom, grandmother, future jobs I will have, and situations I will walk through, what would be the point of trusting God with my future and the fun of trusting the process (although I would not always classify the process as "fun")? I am challenged to see each season of my life just as important as the next and the one before. My current season of working is just as important and exciting as my last season as a student, and will be just as exciting as whatever the next season God has for me if I let them be. Each episode of "Friends" where Joey tries out for another acting role is just as important as the episodes where weddings happen and babies are born (names left out in case there is anyone left besides me who has not finished them) and the overall story would be nothing without the episodes that seem unimportant. If I thought of each season of life as an episode, what would that look like? If you could classify your current situation and season of life in that way, what would it be called?

I want to challenge you, if you are like me, to think of it that way. As I look back on my life, I can see different "episodes" that defined me- both by big events and the ones that seemed insignificant at the time and maybe those that still do. For example, "the one where I got my first job", "the one where I learned to drive", "the one where I went to a small group the first time", or "the one where I went to community college" seem a little more insignificant than "the one where my parents divorced", "the one where I moved to Birmingham", "the one where I graduated college" or "the one where I started working full-time". Although the second set of "episodes" seem more defining, without my first job and learning how to drive I would not have been able to move to Birmingham or begin working full-time at a job I love. Without going to community college for a year, I would not have graduated college when or how I did. Without going to that small group, I would not have had the community and support or the connection to people or the church that carried me through the divorce. If the more significant episodes could have never happened without the seemingly insignificant ones, why would I ever wish to skip the ones that seem insignificant?

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21)

As I write this post, I am in an in-between, seemingly insignificant episode of life. Working a job at a place I love, but waiting for the things I have been dreaming about for as long as I can remember and learning to dream bigger for my future. I am learning to trust that God has already planned out my next step, as well as, every step after it. I could see this episode as "the one where I work in an office Monday through Friday, occasionally hang out with friends, and go to way too many weddings and showers" or I could see it the way I believe I will see this season in the future, being...

"The one where I am learning to embrace the tension between contentment in the present and anticipation for the future by believing for more in day-to-day life even when it seems insignificant." 

I choose to see it as the second option.