Maybe I am naive, but a few months ago I did not know that death row was a current reality. I definitely did not know that people in my own state have been sentenced to death and are awaiting their day of execution. In conversation, I learned this ugly truth and the process in which it takes place, and the knot in my stomach began to form. People were reading my emotions through my face the day I found out, and probably days after as I processed for myself the idea of being sentenced to death but to still be alive. I still cannot comprehend.
Much to my surprise, death row continued to come up casually in many different forms. The knot grew tighter. How can someone continue to live knowing a date that their life will be terminated? How can your mind process naturally in the waiting? How can you live in the days leading up to your death when you are literally trapped in the waiting room?
"Now Jesus was going up to Jerusalem. On the way, he took the Twelve aside and said to them, 'We are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified...'" (Matthew 20:17-19)
My heart hurt when I realized the reality of the week leading up to Easter Sunday for Jesus. In the Scripture above, Jesus told his best friends and family that they were going to Jerusalem and he was going to be killed, but they did not understand. Jesus walked and talked with them, knowing that he was walking to the place of his death, and yet, he was still present with them. How? I do not understand how Jesus could be on death row (yet without any sin) and still teaching and serving his disciples. He still was performing miracles, teaching lessons, and serving his disciples as he walked to his undeserving death and he was not mistaken, he knew exactly what he was headed for. On the last night before execution day, he got down on his knees and washed the feet of the people closest to him. I would imagine that the last thing I would want to do the night before the execution I knew was coming would be to wash the feet of the people with me. Not only did he wash the feet of his friends, but he washed the feet of the one he knew would betray him in the same form of servanthood. How did Jesus stay present while walking to his death?
Although I cannot relate to the feeling of being sentenced to death row, I am in a few parts of life that fall in stages of the "in-between". I seem to be in the middle of transitions, in the middle of changes, and on the way to good things but not quite there yet in many areas of my life. Quite honestly, this falls in the workplace, in my family, in tasks and in relationships where I feel like I am stuck in the waiting room. What does this mean for me? I feel like the Lord gave me a profoundly simple phrase to change the course of my days, weeks, and even years after thinking about this idea and digging into the significance of death row for me:
While I am waiting for my dreams to come true, life is unfolding in front of me. If Jesus was present in his walk to a wrongful death, how much more present should I be walking into his promises?
I am not on death row, but I am in a season of waiting. Honestly, every season of life is a season of waiting, just some more than others. If I am not waiting for a specific opportunity or thing to happen, ultimately I am waiting for the day when I step into eternity with Jesus. Some part of every season for all of us can make us feel stuck in the waiting room (one of my least favorite places to be). I feel like I am being challenged to not sit and wait for my name to be called, theoretically speaking, but to be present in the waiting room. I am challenged to talk to the people who are waiting with me, to pick up a magazine and learn something about someone or something, and to fill out the paperwork ahead of time. This will allow me to be prepared for when they call my name, although I do not know how long it will be, simply because I trust it is coming. Although I do not know how long it will take for my prayers to be answered and my time of waiting to be over, I do know that the promise is good and the time is coming when the waiting will be over and the promises fulfilled. I pray that it will be said of me when the prayers are answered and the promises fulfilled, that I was present in the waiting and did not waste the time I was given there.
Enjoy the present & trust the promise.
"It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally..." (2 Corinthians 1:8-10 MSG)
Referenced messages:
"Sacred Moments" series- Dino Rizzo, Church of the Highlands
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/series/sacred-moments
"The Now but Not Yet"- Andi Andrew
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-ZXNqSG7Ek
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