why I am stingy with "I Love You"

I feel like I might owe some people an explanation. Going to a school full of people who love Jesus and hugs and everyone else, I feel I might not be completely understood, and I want to make myself clear. I don’t throw around “I love you” the way that it seems it is common around here, and it is partly because I am awkward, but it is also because I see a huge weight on the word “love”. 

A very wise friend of mine in a small group earlier this year said that she wanted to stop saying “I love you” as much because she wasn't following through with what God says that love is. How could it be bad to love people when the word of God says to? 1 John 4:7-8 says, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” So why would she be concerned about telling people she loved them?

“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”  1 Corinthians 13:13

Love is an action, not a phrase. According to this verse, love is….

Patient, Kind, Content, Humble, Selfless, Pleasant, Peaceful, Rejoices in the Truth, 

        Bears all things, Believes all things, Hopes all things, Endures all things, and Never 

        Ends. 

I never want to be in a place where I express love with my mouth and don’t show it with my actions. The word holds so much weight to me. So…. maybe you are one of the people I love but don’t always express it the same way that you do, know that I do love you, with the same love that Jesus loves me, I just don’t want to put anything on the line by throwing around a word that holds so much weight to me in my spirit. I am so thankful for so many people, at home in Tuscaloosa, in Birmingham at Highlands College, and many places in between, and I do honestly love you, I would just rather show it than say it for the sake of being true to my word. For every time my awesome friends say “the phrase” and I get awkward and throw you a peace sign or something weird, or every hug I deflect because I don’t know how to respond, just know that it is me protecting my word, and protecting the definition of love given by the only person who can actually love perfectly. We have been given the greatest example of love, and thankfully I have been blessed enough to find it- I know my brokenness, and I know that I am incredibly imperfect, therefore; I want to do my best to preserve the greatest things we have been given, love. 

“And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13

say my name

“You have a tattoo?!” 

Yes I do.

“What is it? What does it mean?”

It stands for constancy, and the way God always stays the same when everything else changes. Like the circle doesn't change, neither does He. 

“How do you know?”

Know what?

“That God never changes”

Because He has shown me over and over again.

“Because He is God and you believe what He says.”

This conversation was had today between myself and a woman of God I admire, respect and love, who also happens to be my boss. I learned two things from this short conversation, and until reading this (if she reads it), she wouldn’t know the impact had on me today by the very simple question she asked me upon seeing my tattoo at work. I was in the back by myself, washing dishes and feeling the steaming water growing my hair, but more importantly, I was washing dishes to escape. I was in a slump I couldn’t find the source to, and in a mood I couldn't describe with no specific reason why. I thought if I could just get away from people for a minute I could clear my mind and get over whatever it was that I had gotten into, or maybe just put a finger on what was bothering me, and I was right, but I was also wrong. I stood there, washing plates and cleaning up the messes people left behind asking God to fix whatever was wrong, to put me in a better mood, to allow me to not feel this bad and to renew my mind of whatever this problem was that I knew I was having but didn't know why. Not a very specific prayer, but my Father knew exactly how to answer it. Indirectly, through this lovely woman, He said “speak My name,” my beloved daughter, “speak the name of your God.”

I did- not by choice, just to answer a simple question that interrupted my prayer to fix whatever it is that was wrong with me. The answer to my prayer was so simple, yet so complex- bring me into your life outside of quiet time, outside of reading my word, outside of screaming Hillsong in your car alone; Say My Name. I didn’t know that this was my answer until she walked away, and I was smiling thinking of the day I got the tattoo and the prayers that took place before it. The people that were there with me and the encouragement of friends who love Jesus. Most of all, the reason I got the tattoo, because time and time again, as well as, all at once, my God proved himself faithful and showed me that its okay when things change because He doesn’t- EVER. Never has, never will. And when I found myself in a bad mood, most likely held down by the devil attempting to keep my joy from reaching the surface, God said “Bayly, do you remember what I’ve done? Do you remember why you got that tattoo? Do you remember that I love you, even when you don't act like you're loved by me? Do you remember?” He reminded me. A simple question blended my quiet relationship with God to my (also quiet) relationship with people. Two worlds collided and it brought me more joy than anything else could. 

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."  Proverbs 18:10

Second thing, did you see the question she asked after I explained the tattoo? Go back and read it.

 “How do you know?”

How do I know that God stays the same? This is my boss who loves Jesus, I should have the right answer here, but what is the right answer? Is this a trick question? All of this went through my mind, and I fumbled for the first words I could get out. 

“Because He has showed me over and over again.”

This is true, completely true, his constancy is a testament to how God has worked in me and is working through me. But her response tested me, tested my faith, and tested the way I describe my God to other people. 

“Because he is God and you believe what he says.”

Simple, but difficult. No evidence in that statement- just faith. Faith that He is real, His word is true, and He continues to be who He says He is today. All of these things that I believe, but wasn't sure how to put into words. Not sure the response I would get from other people if I spoke these words or how it would come across, but she just said it. Complete faith, faith to free fall and know that God is at the bottom even when you cannot see him there. How many times do people ask you how you know what you state is true? Especially people who believe the same that you do? Its a question I will begin to ask myself more often, and a question I believe we, as believers, should use more frequently. We don't have to have a scientific proof to state what we believe. Im not saying we don’t ever need that or wont ever have conversation like that, but it isn't necessary. We can simply say that we believe because we believe, and that is enough. Wow, the joy of the name of God and the reminders he gives that are so simple, yet so complex, just because He is listening- and He loves me. 

“So that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:10-11

replacing puzzle pieces

     This post will be unlike my others. Today, you will hear a big part of my story and why I am who I am hoping to touch you in some way or another. I know there are people who need to hear what I have gone through to come through what they are going through, and if that is you- please continue. If you are not willing to be moved, to be changed, by my story, then feel free to go back to Facebook or Instagram or whatever you were doing before and keep checking your newsfeed, this is vulnerability in a way that is uncomfortable to me, but I believe God will use it for His good. Hopefully this does not offend anyone, and if it does just know that you were part of my story. Here we go...

     A few years ago I thought I was living the life, I had lots of friends, just moved into a new house, and was getting ready for what were supposed to be the best years of my life, junior and senior year of high school. Little did I know, Satan was planning something that I would never wish upon anyone and he began to spring it on me in pieces right before summer of my junior year. Beginning with my friends deciding that me and my best friend were no longer part of the group, then having to find a new church because the only reason I was there was because of those friends. Then, my parents told me they were getting a divorce, and that unthinkable truth began to tear me apart. Some of you may remember seeing me at school the next day looking like I had died and come to school straight out of the grave. Puffy eyes and untamable tears, and only one person knew what was going on. I was left without my group of friends, to go through something terrible and no one even asked me what was wrong. I literally thought my life was over. I would soon be graduating high school, living a less than expected senior year, and at the end of the summer my best friend would move 3 hours away. I would leave the school I knew for my whole life and the people I knew my whole life and jump right into college, a new chapter, as soon as I graduated. Me and my brother went from living in one house with two parents, to living in two houses and jumping back and forth week after week (and transporting my closet with me), and I was left with no church, no friends, no stability, and above everything, a whole lot of change.

     Well, for me change has never been a good thing. Lunch plans changing irritates me a bit if I am being completely honest. I like to know what is going on, have everything prepared for and taken care of, and be able to watch my nicely planned day fall together the way it was "supposed" to. The past year has completely changed that mindset for me. I have seen the beauty in change, and the way comfort can only come in times of heartbreak and tears because of the God who is greater than everything earthly. 

     First thing, I found Church of the Highlands. I found small groups, and I found almost all of the people who are now my best friends and I did not know their names or faces a year ago. Because I was forced to step out of my comfort zone and join a small group that I was terrified of doing, I found comfort in the change. Next, moves happened smoothly, and the arguing I had grown accustomed to with my parents no longer existed, me and my brother got used to the switching around and a week away from each of them made me start to appreciate both of my parents more, and get closer to them, I found comfort in the change. I started school at Shelton and no longer faced the people who had left me out and I no longer felt like the odd one out of the group, I found comfort in the change. If none of the things I thought were horrible and the end of the world happened, none of these things could have happened either. I would be miserable in the old instead of comfortable in the change.

     The most important thing that happened in the year my life fell apart is a decision I made. I fought with it and I tried to ignore it but there was no denying that I had a dilemma and I had to decide how I was going to get through it. It was going to be completely without God, letting myself mourn for myself and me make all my decisions, or it was going to be completely surrendered to God. Thankfully, I chose the second option. If these things would not have happened, I would have kept living my "almost" Christian life and never experienced the joy and love and hope that comes with having an eternity to call my home. If I would not have said yes to Jesus, I would have missed out on all the friends I now have and the relationship I have with my Father in heaven. If I would not have had this heartbreaking event in my life, I would still be stuck in neutral, not being able to go forward or backward and only moving with the people around me. But also, if I wouldn't have said yes to Him then, He would still be waiting for me now and forever because he loves me that much, and he loves you that much too. Satan intended to use all of this to destroy me, to make me blame myself and to make me live a miserable, upset, and empty life, but my God did not leave me alone. He came to save the day, He saved me from the things I was suffering and showed my the life He has for me. He showed me how to find the joy in both the things of the ordinary and the terrible things that came (and still come) my way. I fell in love with the God of the universe, my Father in Heaven who created me and is waiting for me in paradise, and the God who leads my every steps and works everything for my good BECAUSE of the terrible things that I thought were the end of the world. The end of the world was the beginning of my real life of joy in Jesus Christ. 

     Since I made this decision and began to know my Savior, so many awesome things have happened (bad things too.) Life still happens when we know Jesus and seek Him, "life" just seems a little less important and Jesus seems more. As some of you may know already, I have surrendered my life to what God has planned for me in Highlands College (please read that story and support me financially at www.gofundme.com/baylybusby), and I was saved physically from a wreck that was intended to destroy me, but barely hurt me, and was shown that my purpose is greater than what I have done. As I started to say yes to God's plans for me, the devil began to throw punches, but God is standing in front of me taking the punches because it is not time for me to fall- my purpose is bigger than that, bigger than a wreck can destroy, and no matter what else satan throws I know my God is bigger. 

     I want you to know that this is not just my story, God wants it to be yours too. He is standing there looking at you waiting and hoping that you will seek Him and find him in your heartbreak, and if satan is holding you under the water right now, God will pull you out, all you have to do is look to Him. He is waiting for you, only because He wants you to make the decision and not be forced, and it will be the best decision you have ever made. Take my word for it. If you are on the edge, feel like everything is falling apart and you don't want to keep going in this life, know that there is another life and there is a Father who can take you there and give you glimpses of the joy of eternity even while you are still here. Everything that is holding you back from going all in, it is worth giving up. Everything is worth losing if Jesus is gained. If I could go back a year or two and redo everything, I wouldn't, because that would mean I would lose the one thing that stays the same when everything else changes, my Father. 

As an analogy, my life was a little bit like a puzzle, I had all the pieces and was just trying to put them together into what I thought would be perfect. God began to slowly replace the pieces of my puzzle with the pieces of His, and it messed me up- it confused me, made me angry, and really ruined my comfort. I then found that the puzzle He was making was much better, and he wasn't giving me random pieces, but He was giving me pieces to a new puzzle altogether that was thousands of times better than the first. I am still putting that puzzle together, but I know it will be better than any puzzle I could put together for myself and I know my God has plans better than I could ever ask or imagine. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory, forever and ever, Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

He held me

Today, I learned that my time on this earth is not over. God's grace and protection kept me safe when I should've been seriously injured. Satan tried to take me today, but God thankfully had a different plan. At 6 this morning, I was on the road headed to work and dodged a deer laying in the road. After swerving one direction and back the other in order to gain control, I completely lost control on the wet road and flipped down a hill of the side of the road about 4 times by the way the ground and the destroyed guardrail looked. Those few seconds I was flipping felt like 10 minutes and I was most worried about how I would land and if I would able to get out or find my phone to call someone since I could no longer easily be seen from the road. As soon as I stopped flipping, and came to a stop with my car upright, I realized that my God was holding onto me from the second I first saw the deer. Even though it took a while to get anyone on the phone because my family was still asleep, I knew that God was right there with me. My heavenly father took the tumble with me and never let go of me, not for a second. After looking for my phone for a few seconds and trying to sit and sort through my thoughts about what had just happened and what to do next, I found my phone sitting right up under my leg, not near the half of my belongings and my window that were in a puddle outside of my car. After some missed calls I got in touch with my family, and then called the police. When on the phone with the police and attempting to get out of the car, I realized that it was probably worse outside than I could tell because only the backseat driver side door would open. All of these details though, are irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that I should've been rushed to the hospital by ambulance with serious injuries; I shouldn't have been able to find my phone because of everything around it that was no longer still in the same place after 4 upside down flips; my driver side airbag should've came out and bruised me up more; and most of all I should've come out of the wreck with a whole lot more than a seatbelt bruise and a few scratches. A lot of things should've happened to me, but because of the protection of my God I lived a miracle today. 

"The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121:7-8

Thanks to my wonderful family, my amazing friends (who showed up in the emergency room even after I told them they didn't have to), and my father in heaven- I am still here today, and only will be sore for a few days. I am overwhelmed by the love and protection God showered on me, and although this wasn't my plan for today, I know it happened for a reason and today was not my day to be with my Father. My time on this earth is not over, I have been given a new sense of purpose knowing that there is a reason I am still here and God has something greater for me. Praise the Lord that I serve a God who cares about us and who loves each and every one of us enough to do the impossible. Miracles happen, today and everyday.

Above, see the guardrail Marg demolished and the hill I flipped down

Marg was like a member of the family and will be very missed, but I believe I had her for this moment. She kept me safe and allowed me to take some flips and not be crushed, I would say all the work and hard times on Marg were worth it for this moment. 

...then he was strong.

I begin writing this post with a hurting heart. As a lifelong member of the ACA family, the most well known and most loved member of our family has gone to be with our Father in paradise. The whole school, past and present, is aching with the loss of such an amazing, faithful, and humble man, but it is important we see the light at the end of the tunnel. Mr. Danny Logan has gone to live in Heaven with His creator and the greatest lover of his soul, He left an impact I cannot even imagine leaving on this earth, and I believe this morning he heard the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." Wow, what a place He must be in right now, seeing the light He has been living for his whole life. 
I know myself and every other person at ACA has never met such a kind hearted and hardworking man, and I am honored to say that I grew up with Mr. Danny around and have watched the way he interacted with my age group and I
and now with the kids of daycare who are in the shoes I once was in, and Mr. Danny's character and charisma and pure joy has never changed. No matter what has been thrown at him on this earth, he has now gone to be home forever. To experience real joy and real life that we cannot fathom here on earth. I believe God has given me this verse, which I read yesterday morning, in order to teach me and hopefully reach someone else through it. 

"For the sake of Christ, then, 'I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:10)

There is no person I can think of that exemplified this verse like Mr. Danny. As the man who did everything at ACA, especially the things no one else could or wanted to do, he never complained, never boasted, and never let his position get in the way of his purpose. He could never be recognized enough to portray the amount of honor and love he deserves, and more importantly, he would've never allowed himself to be recognized for the things he did. He did it because he loved our ACA family, he loved the Lord, and he lived with an unexplainable joy and strength that came from the small jobs and the big jobs alike that he did. For when (Mr. Danny) was weak, then He was strong. 

into the dog house

This post is going to start as a story, turn into a dramatic scene (by yours truly), and hopefully turn into some truth; let's just see where God takes it. 

The Story:

Let me start with some background information on me and my family and situation. Every Monday me and my brother "move" to the opposite parent's house and load up everything we own and have to unload it when we get home. Also happening every Monday is chapel for 252 (college internship at Church of the Highlands), and usually turns out to be one of the highlights of my week. So I go to chapel after a day of work, then come home later and have to unload my car and unload every piece of clothing I have and make my room look neat again so I can feel comfortable going to bed. I have started to notice a trend on the Mondays that we move to my moms house, and the second I leave chapel and head home and especially when I get in the driveway, satan starts talking to me. He tells me lies and takes away from me the joy and revelation I may have just had at chapel, the refueling of me spiritually that keeps me going throughout the week, and he snatches it away from me in a second. This is how he does it. 

The Scene: 

First of all, it is always raining the day we move. ALWAYS. Which mean the yard is wet and I can't park near the door to unload my crap. Problem 1. The first thing that pops into my head when I take a step into the door is "welcome to the dog house." The enemy is taking something I am a bit bitter about (we have 4 dogs inside, and that story is for another day) and expanding it into something ridiculous and annoying. The smell welcomes me in along with the wet feet and licking of dogs while I am carrying in everything I own. Problem 2. Next, I come in with my hands too full and bags on both shoulders and cannot fit through the hallways and end up knocking down baby gates that are there for the dogs as the dog pack comes prancing behind me. Problem 3. Then, it is usually late, I cannot fit through the doorways, it smells like dog pee, and I have to unload my bags and do a million other things before I can finally go to bed. Problem 4. And to add to all of this, today, the second I left church I got a horrible headache and it made sure to follow me all the way through the dog and rain drama. Problem 5.

The Truth: 

So you are probably thinking I am stupid and dramatic at this point, and I can't say I blame you, but just bear with me and hopefully I can shine some light on the situation. I know satan is attacking me when I am in a good place because he is afraid of what is possible if I stay there. If I was able to share the love of Jesus to my family by being a servant, or if I could be pleasant about the things that annoyed me instead of blowing up about them then God would most definitely be magnified. Ultimately, if I could see the huge, amazing things God is doing in my life and overlook the little things satan is doing to distract me, my enemy would be under my feet. Maybe it is as simple as taking more trips to the car with fewer things, not breathing out of my nose when I walk in, and seeing the dogs jumping on me as love instead of getting mad about it- but satan is set out to convince me that those things are important. I am on this earth to be a light to everyone around me, not only people I don't know, but the people I know and love. God put me in the family He did, in the house He did, and in the situation He did for a reason, even if I might not know yet what that reason is. It is not an accident that we have too many dogs or that the smell of dog pee creates anger and bitterness in me, all of these small things are there to prepare me and teach me for the big things. Spiritual warfare is something so present in the life of every believer of Jesus Christ, and I believe recognizing it is just as important as fighting it, because you can never fight it until you see it. That is how satan wants it to be, easy to overlook and even easier to get caught up in. I am declaring over me, and everyone who read this, that we will see the world and the big and small situations the way that God does, and not the way satan does. That we will overlook the small unimportant things and enjoy the big things God is doing for us. And ultimately, that we would stop going into the "dog house", and take a few steps into the love and joy God has for us in whatever place we are headed.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."                 Ephesians 6:12 NIV

letter to me

Dear Future Self,

If you are reading this, then you have probably come to a road block. You might be struggling or second guessing past decisions or maybe just trying to get a feel for who you have become and who you used to be. Whatever the situation, whether you are reading this ten days from now or ten years from now; remember this- you have overcome this world and your enemy. Whatever is going on right now, you have already overcome it through Jesus Christ! Let that sink in for a minute. 

"Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" (1 John 5:5)

You are a child of God! You have been called into His kingdom and called to do His work on this earth. You have been given a purpose. When you were 18, the day you wrote this, you knew what your next step was and God called you to take a leap of faith into exciting and terrifying territory and you were so excited to do so. You had never been more sure about anything in your whole life. If you are struggling with what you feel God has placed you here for, remember the moment He told you your next step. Through those 6 am prayer services in January 2015, He revealed to you more than you were asking for. Not only did He reveal it to you but he confirmed it when you doubted. He never left you- through the hardest year of your life and the ten thousand changes that took place in your life, God never left you. Remember your testimony, the way God has prepared you to reach other people and the way your life has happened the way it has for a reason. Nothing you have gone through has been in vain, it wasn't when you wrote this and it isn't right now. God is STILL using you even if you feel he has left, He is still with you even if you can't see, feel, or hear him, and there is nothing you can do that will separate you from His love. NOTHING. 

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."                                   (Romans 8:38-39)

Maybe you are feeling void of healthy relationships, needing friends and not knowing who to go to with your situation. Remember the way God provided for you before. He got you in small groups and gave you some of the best friends of your life when your best friend moved away. He not only gave you people to talk to, but he gave you people who love God and love you and were able to bring out the joy of Jesus in you while you were healing from disappointment and worry. He delivered you from the state satan put you in and showed you how relationships with people who love him and encourage you daily can drag you out of the pit you are in, all the way on to the top of the mountain. Your worst year turned into your best because of his faithfulness and the way he loves you so much, more than you can even imagine. 

Remember the way Church of the Highlands changed your life and everything about your relationship with God, never forget the joy you got stepping onto the campus for chapel or ONE and growing deeper into relationships and living through and learning from awkward moments with the people that would become some of your best friends. It hasn't necessarily been easy, but the payout is so worth the uncomfortable first small group meetings, or the embarrassing icebreakers. God made you that way for a reason. You were created and placed in the cities you have been in, in the positions you have held, in the small groups you have joined, even down to the everyday encounters that have happened for a divine appointment and you are being used for the glory of the Kingdom. 

Bayly, I am urging you to finish the race. Push through whatever is holding you back right now, whatever is keeping you from doing all God has called you to do. Be bold when it is uncomfortable because every life will end and every person you see every day will eventually go to eternity in one of two places. Make sure you know where they are going, and that you try your best to bring them to heaven with you. Never lose sight of the sole purpose you were placed here for- never get caught up in the trends of being a Christian (let flannel become more to you than life change), and never forget the people around you who are sinking. Never let the power of what God has placed you in, whatever and wherever that may be, become normal to you. Don't become so caught up in you job, duties, or workload that you forget why you have that job. Ultimately, keep your head steady and your eyes on Jesus, and bury your head in the word of God that has pulled you through every tough situation thus far. 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1-2)

You have been made for great things. Your father, God, sent his only son to save you by slaughtering Him on the cross and letting heaven sit silently as your sins were paid for forever. You have been bought at a price, Jesus' blood, and God wouldn't have taken you in if you weren't worth it. Remember that. You were worth it, and you still are. 

Jesus loves you infinitely,
Bayly



This blog post is a little different than normal, but inspired by God as always. Technically it is written to me in the future, but I believe this is a message God has spoken (typed) through me to reach YOU now. It is not just for future Bayly, it is for current ______ (fill in the blank). Everything said in this letter pertains to you, you have been called and your sins have been paid for by the ultimate sacrifice. God loved you then and he loves you now, and there is nothing you can do to separate you from his love. Read this letter and fill in "you" with your name and let the words that God gave me graciously to reach you, empower you. I am only a vessel, and God is the source that never runs dry. Connect yourself to the source and see what He has for you in this message. You are awesome for making it this far in this post, and I am honored you care enough to read it. Thank you!!